Sasuke Must Die
by AnimeGoddessS
Summary: My Naruto debut! (PG-13 only for a little foul language) Iruka doesn't drive buses often, but when he does he makes sure to make an impact! Ch.2 posted and waiting to be read!
1. Put Your Blood in the Gourd

Sasuke Must Die

Author's Notes: Now, I hate Sasuke. I truly do. The kid is a prick and needs to die. I used to love him. Now I hate him. It's as simple as that…. I know.

My name is Sarah, and I have a problem…with Sasuke.

Chapter 1: _Put Your Blood in the Gourd_

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It was an amazingly beautiful day. The sun was shining with such radiance that every denizen of Kohona village was smiling. Every person that is, unless your name is Sasuke Uchiha; the boy who refuses to be happy at any point in life because he likes to whine and feel angsty. Sasuke gazed at the ground, refusing to look up at the magnificent sky: it would ruin his mood.

_Angst._

_Angst._

_Angst._

_Drown in self-pity… Oops...I mean: Angst._

He only looked up when he heard the cheerful voice of what could be his friend if he wasn't so busy with angst all the time.

"Hey Sasuke!" piped Sakura grinning widely, blushing as she broke his gaze. "Want some ice-cream?"

"No." came the immediate reply.

She frowned slightly.

"Want some ramen?"

"No."

Sakura sighed. "Want some Cheesecake?"

"No."

"Cherries?"

"No."

"Steak?"

"No."

"Pickles?"

"No."

"Rice?"

"No."

"Candy?"

"No."

"Well what DO you want!" snapped Sakura finally, but in reality it came out as a much more polite "Um…what do you want?"

"Death to Itachi."

She sighed again, kicking the sand. "You know what Sasuke?" she stated quietly.

The boy grunted to show he was listening, the mere linguistics of a cave man.

"It took me forever to work up the courage to come and talk to you."

"So?" came the cold retort.

"It SO wasn't worth it."

And with that Sakura turned on heel and left the sulking boy with his angst. "Your such a cranky-puss! You scrooge!" she yelled back to him.

"No one understands me." whispered Sasuke in that whiny way he tends to say things.

"Dude, no one WANTS to understand you."

Sasuke looked up to see Naruto hovering over him, the blonde youth smiling with a trademark mischievous grin. "We need to talk." He said suddenly. Sasuke only glared at him. All Sasuke ever does is glare at people. It is almost like if he smiled, he would explode. Much to the dismay of others, Sasuke refused to smile and therefore, would not ever explode.

Sasuke scoffed. Another typical Sasuke thing.

"I am tired of your attitude." Spat Naruto instantly. If Sasuke showed emotion, he would have looked at Naruto surprised. But since he doesn't, he continued to glare.

So Naruto continued.

"I am tired of you acting so 'badass'." He barked, gaining more confidence with each word he spat at the raven-haired youth. "I'm tired of you trying to steal the spotlight of my manga and or anime television show. Notice it is called 'Naruto', not 'Whiny Boy Sasuke'." Naruto smirked. "I am tired of you trying to steal Sakura away."

"I don't steal Sakura away…" Sasuke grumbled.

"Shush. This fan-base says you do."

Sasuke continued to glare.

Naruto continued to rant.

"I am tired of you belittling me, trying to kill me when I finally become your friend, not listening to me when I tell you crap…" Naruto trailed off continuing his smirk, "So I've decided to hire a hitman, because even though I am better than you on so many levels, I don't wanna dirty my hands with icky Sasuke angsty blood."

Sasuke scoffed (yet again). Naruto stepped away and from behind him emerged another boy with red hair, heavy black eye-liner (okay, so they're black circles from being so tired of Sasuke's bad attitude) no eyebrows and a rather large gourd strapped to his back. Upon seeing Sasuke the boy took the gourd from his back and dropped it with a heavy 'thunk' in between the two of them.

"I am Gaara of the desert." The boy said simply taking the cork of his gourd (if it didn't have a cork it does now!) "Now put your blood in the gourd bitch!"

Sasuke glared at him confused (that's right, confused!).

"The only place my Uchiha Clan blood is going is all over my brother's FACE."

Everyone stopped to ponder Sasuke's words.

"Dude, that didn't even make sense!" snapped Naruto.

At this Gaara shook his head slinging his gourd over his back. The two (Sasuke and Gaara) only continued to stare at each other, both boys anticipating who would make the first move to beat each other up.

It was Gaara who struck first.

With a swift and practiced accurate motion, Gaara of the Desert kicked sand in Sasuke's eyes.

"AGAGA!" Sasuke shrieked pressing his palms into his 'sanded' eyes. "Now I can't use my Sharingan! Without it I am a total pansy!"

Gaara snickered. "You were a total pansy to begin with."

Sasuke continued to rub his eyes, blinking frantically as tears ran down his face.

Suddenly, yet _another_ boy appeared, running onto the scene flailing his arms. "Death to Sasuke! He takes all of my-" and with that the bushy eye browed boy clad in green tripped over a rock. With a faint cry of 'HEBAA!' he collapsed face first to the ground.

Gaara only had to blink and sand came drifting from his gourd forming an odd shape around his hands.

Sasuke watched (more 'squinted' rather cuz his eyes are all red and puffy from the sand) mystified and Gaara sneered as his sand finally completed its transformation.

He was now holding two bazookas made completely of sand. Sand Bazookas, if you will.

With a delighted cheer from the crowd (yes there was a crowd that magically appeared) Gaara simultaneously pulled the triggers on both Sand Bazookas.

The Sand Bullets hit Sasuke with such an impact, he literally exploded.

SCLABAAM!

Everyone cheered.

A reporter ran up to Gaara, microphone in hand as he lowered his bazookas.

"That was amazing Gaara of the Sand! How did you do that?" the reporter exclaimed. Gaara turned and smiled at the camera, giving lawful thumbs up.

"I get my nutrition from broccoli cake!" he stated simply.

The crowd continued to cheer, and soon Naruto and Gaara were lifted onto the shoulders of the spectators.

Epilogue:

Naruto immediately was named Hokage of Kohona village after the current Hokage resigned upon hearing about Naruto's valiant efforts against the awful angsty Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura started dating and enjoy each other's company very much. They will eventually marry and have 384729402 kids.

Gaara returned to his own village where he was proclaimed a hero and loved for the rest of eternity. If you eat broccoli cake, you too can kill Sasuke!

Rock Lee became a rock star, his first single being 'Hebaa me in the morning!' He has a very large female fan-base and frequently plays concerts in Mongolia.

Itachi became utterly weak and now makes Mac and Cheese in a KFC restaurant chain.

Sasuke is dead.

THE END

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Author's notes: That was fun. My day is fulfilled. Sasuke is dead. And I hope you enjoyed it. I had so much fun writing this!

Special Thanks: To Betsy (of course! She helped create the plot!) Brittany and Travis. All three of which gave me the confidence to keep writing this.

Chapter Notes: …Yeah…Poor Gaara is SO OOC. Oh well. You know it was hot.


	2. I wish he’d get hit by a bus…literally

Sasuke Must Die

Author's Notes: Alright! It's totally awesome that you all found the first chapter funny! I want to take this time to thank all the reviewers:does a dance: It makes me so happy that you take the time to review! Some of you are even Sasuke fans (nah, I won't hold it against you! Lol, I used to be a Sasuke fan as well) and STILL reviewed to a story that killed him! That's awesome. Truly, it is. Glad I was able to make you laugh! (I'm just happy my first attempt at a Naruto story didn't bomb)

Chapter 2: _I wish he'd get hit by a bus…literally_.

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It was a typical day for Iruka. Well…that's a lie really. Iruka didn't typically drive buses. He sighed, before turning around and screaming at the people in the back "Sit down!" he commanded. Of course no one did. That would be unethical. He sighed again. "It's all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out." He murmured to himself watching the young ninjas from the mirror. A boy in green stood up only to be knocked over by a misplaced elbow. With a cry of "Hebaa!" he hit the ground face first. "Rock Lee, I am so sorry!" gasped some other random ninja. Iruka chuckled. Pain was funny. He rounded the street corner, pulling the wheel in circles as Naruto bolted to the front of the bus.

"Iruka-sensei!" he yelled. Iruka flinched at the loud voice in his ear, turning to look at Naruto.

"What?" he snapped. Naruto simply pointed forward, a giant grin plastered on his face. In the middle of the street stood Sasuke, and he appeared to be stuck…Iruka smirked pressing down on the gas pedal. Pain was funny.

:Five minutes before…:

Sasuke never looked both ways while crossing the street. Since he was such an 'awesome' ninja, if any car were to come close to hitting him, he could easily jump out of the way. Today was no different. He walked lazily into the road, his gaze fixed on the ground. You'd think he would have seen the gum! But no. He was too busy thinking about ways to become stronger, ways to kill Itachi, ways to make himself seem cooler than he actually was…

"Shit!" he snapped as the gum squished under his sandal. He struggled to pick his foot up out of the gum only to find it stuck to the ground. "My stupid Sharingan can't get me out of this one!" he sighed pulling his foot away only to find that the pink gum had a firm hold of his foot to the pavement.

As he was struggling with the gum a bus rounded the corner…

:Now that you're all caught up…:

Iruka sped forward, his gaze fixated only on Sasuke as the cranky boy's body disappeared with a 'thump' under the bus. Iruka hit the brakes, flailing his arms triumphantly in the air. "I hit a pedestrian!" he cried "That's five points!"

Moments later everyone was filing out of the bus, gathering around Sasuke's trampled and maimed body. He twitched slightly as Naruto poked him with a stick.

"You think he's dead?" he muttered to Iruka quietly continuing to poke the bleeding Sasuke.

Something flew threw the air, followed by the victorious yell of an onlooker. It landed on Sasuke.

SCLABAAM!

Apparently it was a bomb, thrown by either Sakura, Rock Lee, or Neji (depending on your character preference…).

"Yes." Iruka replied simply to Naruto's question as chunks of Sasuke rained from the sky. "I am pretty sure he's dead."

All that remained on the ground was a single bloody sandal, with gum stuck to the bottom.

Everyone cheered.

Sakura confessed her love for Naruto as floods of people rushed from all around the world to congratulate Iruka for being so awesome in running over Sasuke (though no one was quite sure who tossed the bomb.) Iruka was named Hokage, but immediately resigned the position to Naruto (along with Mrs. Naruto) (or Sakura, for you slow people). Naruto in the absence of Sasuke became the strongest ninja ever and beat the crap out of Itachi.

On a side note, Gaara won a Sand Castle competition and was adored by all.

The End!

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Chapter Notes: Ahh…short but sweet. I decided to include Iruka in this chapter. I mean come on; doesn't he seem the 'bus driver' type? Of course this chapter was inspired from the phrase "I wish so-and-so would get hit by a bus!" And so voila! Sasuke getting hit by a bus, and exploded.

Author's Notes: Yeah…Sorry. I kinda rushed this Chapter lol. Forgive me! Read and review!


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